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‘OUCA flag pilfered by splinter group’

Cherwell, 26 May 2006
THE FLAG of the Oxford University Conservative Association has been stolen by a splinter group and is being held at ransom. David Cochrane and Ian Wellby raised the flag up the Keble flag pole in an act that Cochrane says “claimed Keble for OUCA”.

“This does mark an historic occasion for OUCA as we have essentially created a new OUCA. We have got rid of all the gimps and all is fun now,” he said.

“This is a historical occasion comparable to Labour’s landslide in 1997, the end of the Hundreds Year War, the first time that William Shakespeare put pen to paper, the development of penicillin, or the winning of World War II,” he added.

By the next morning the flag had been taken down by the porters and had been claimed by a group calling themselves the People’s Front for the Liberation of OUCA, and who are believed to be loosely associated with the Moles Dining Club.

The Spiritual Leader of the People’s Front for the Liberation of OUCA said, “The OUCA colours have been liberated from under the very nose of the criminal Steel. They have been taken ‘Over The Water’. They shall remain there until True Monarchy is restored to OUCA. The nefarious Steel must be deposed and face justice for his manifold crimes.”

An ex-OUCA member who was present when the flag was stolen said that the oversized flag was a tradition, and that their actions were a response to rumours that Charlie Steele, the current OUCA President, planned to sell the flag.

Steel said, “Although it is no bad thing to see the OUCA flag grace the mast of the Keble flag pole, and indeed this is essentially harmless fun, it is very disappointing that people have taken it upon themselves to then steal it the following day. This amounts to nothing more than theft, and the Association will not tolerate illegal behavior of any kind.”

The Dean of OUCA, Reverend David Johnson, said, “It was incredibly stylish to fly the flag from Keble. It was bought at an extortionate cost of £400, and I thought it was ludicrous, but when it was draped over a table I thought it looked rather smart and was sort of nostalgic.”

Published at 3:51 pm on Monday 26 June 2006. Categories: Great Britain Politics Tags: .
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