Civilisation is a tricky concept.  Some would say that Scotland is a civilised ‘country’. Some wouldn't. I, as an American, belong to the latter group. But as a well-educated, handsome American I have a notion that civilisation is probably best measured in degrees. For example, Alabama, my home state, is not as civilised as, say, New York.  But Alabama is far more civilized than Mississippi or Louisiana.  God proved this by showing his anger at their uncivilised ways and laying waste to them early last month.  That is why I am slightly nervous about spending nine months in Yemen.

Often described as the 'most primitive' of all Arab states, Yemen is not exactly pictured on the same page in the dictionary as the word ‘civilisation’. In fact, I would even go so far as to say that Alabama is probably more civilised. Probably. But this brings me to the real issue I’m trying to confront in writing this article for that much-lauded literary contribution to civilisation (OK, Scotland rather). On this, the eve of my departure from Britain, I want to list the things I will miss about civilisation and my reasons for missing them. I do this not only because I like to see myself in the Mitre (I'm in there alot, check the back issues) but also to help all you readers know what you have so that you don't take your lives for granted in the Royal Burgh of St. Andrews and all over the rest of the Western World. So here they are, in the order in which I thought of them:


Even if you don't appreciate the same things, perhaps you can take my lack of them in Yemen with a small degree of pleasure, perhaps even appreciate the fact that I will be deprived of something having gone my whole life lacking little. I don't know what lacking these things is going to do to me. I would like to think it will make me a better person, but I doubt it. More likely, it will make me buy hemp clothing and grow my hair long. Perhaps I will begin to have an understanding with the people of Yemen and come back with much greater empathy. But if I had to guess, I would say that it will make me more jaded, more ridiculously cynical, and most dangerous of all, more knowledgeable about this enigmatic people and region.

Please understand that I chose to go to Yemen of my own accord. Any legal sentences passed on me there are the work of Shariah, not British, European, Military nor United States law. This is not a punishment, despite my attitude and your (probably well justified) opinion that I need to be punished.

So, Starbucks, Alcohol, and People. Is that what you get when you boil down civilization to my definition?  If it is, its kind of sad I guess.  But think of it this way, Starbucks and Alcohol are neither to be found in Yemen. More than likely (if the Yemeni government knew them) most of the people I know too would be banned.  Certainly details of the various predelictions of a few of them would get them killed or castrated.

So, as you sit there sipping your Costa Latte's, either being introduced to my warped view of the world or just having your earlier nefarious opinions reinforced, remember this: these things I'll miss,  and which you will continue to revel in, are all either not to be found in Yemen, or if so, only illegally. So, would you agree that Yemen is uncivilized? (Say 'no', then cite something you read on Wikipedia).

I'll let you know.