About Andrew Cusack
Writer, web designer, etc.; born in New York; educated in Argentina, Scotland, and South Africa; now based in London. read more
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Fred Henzer
What can one say about Fred Henzer? Fred was a man of some contradictions. The very first time I ever met him, back in high school (it seems eons ago), he tried to beat the living daylights out of me because I had mistaken him for a particular enemy of his. Luckily for me he was restrained by his friends (indeed, my friends) who vouched for me and urged him to forget such an innocent error. I didn’t think much of him and made a mental note not to get involved with such a character. But of course it was hard not to come across Fred often if you were born in 1984 and hung around Bronxville. Our introductory incident was quickly forgotten and we soon became friends (though admittedly never close), mostly because we had friends in common.
Fred was charming without being a cad. It was no doubt why and how, despite his many flaws, he managed in those days to have a girlfriend as pretty and immediately endearing as Alana (who flew across the country to attend his funeral today — her birthday). And while his friends were his friends (and indeed being his friend was something that mattered to Fred), he did have his enemies as well — more out of pride and anger, I think, than out of a genuine hate.
He was an inveterate moocher. Of course the man whom he mooched off of the most was Frank Powers. Frank, without a doubt the most respected and admired man of those our age in Westchester, was probably the best friend he ever had, but as Frank said when once asked of Fred, there’s only so much you can do for a friend.
Fred found some of the slight restrictions the rest of us take for granted quite irritating, and sometimes he in turn became an irritation to others because of it. I remember once driving back from some party or gathering at 2:00 in the morning when we stopped at a red light. Sitting in the passenger seat, he found the red light unbearable and begged me to pass through it, there was no one behind us, nor in front of us, not a single car in sight, he pleaded. No one would notice, it wouldn’t hurt a fly, just run this light! But I was as stubborn as he, and it was not long before it turned green anyhow and he shut up.
But his flaws were always excused, weren’t they? He was Fred after all. In hindsight, there is an obvious and quick temptation to call ourselves to account for his ultimate downfall. Could we have done more for him? Were we too tolerant? Too forgiving? Couldn’t we have somehow intervened? I doubt it. Fred was his own master. He made his own decisions; he made good ones and he made poor ones, but they were his. As Frank (who would know more than anyone else) said, there’s only so much you can do.
His end did not come as a surprise to those who knew him, but this does not negate the tragedy of his death, and indeed his life. We must restrain ourselves from romanticizing the life and death of an addict. It was undignified. Fred was a human being — a son, a brother, a friend — he deserved better. It is saddening that someone as vivacious and lively and indeed loving as Fred did not have enough of that most necessary love, the love of life, to keep himself in order and his bad habits in check.
What has he left us in this world? Bits of laughter and hilarity, some very amusing times, moments of lightness and indeed even wit, too many to even attempt to record here. These may sound like light and ephemeral things, but there was an underlying goodness to Fred that animated them, and it is that underlying goodness that I hope we will all recall in years to come when our minds turn back to the man we used to know, Fred Henzer.
We will remember him.
1984-2008
Requiem aeternum dona eis Domine:
et lux perpetua luceat eis.
Requiescat in pace.
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A poignant and beautiful memorial, not so much of one tragic life, but of an entire lost generation.
I had a friend (really, more of a contemporary) who was a privileged teenager who similarly abused himself to death at a young age. One wished to call his parents (who had both surplus time and money at their disposal) into account, but couldn’t cut through the tragedy and dysfunction of it all in order to do so.
That was well over ten years ago. Your story, your memorial, brings it back.
Si iniquitates observáveris, Domine: Domine, quis sustinebit?
Freddie had his first of many anxiety attacks in the spring of ’05. This coincided with the time that almost all his friends-including Alana and Frank-left for college or began serious jobs. Freddie stated to have pain-constant pain. His back hurt, his leg, his stomach. He thought he had cancer, he thought he had MS. His mother and I, though, and most likely freddie himself, knew this physical pain was caused by both mental and emotional anguish that he just couldn’t shake. He saw many doctors and they prescribed many medications but none of them could cure the hurt he was suffering. I drove him to the place where he would spend his last few hours. I spoke with him that evening. He was upbeat, happy and had plans for his future. We made plans for the 3 of us, Keith, Freddie and myself , to go out to dinner the next week. Freddie being Freddie said the night would be on him.
I loved Freddie with all my heart. For a short time, I had two sons and Keith had a brother. Such a strong bond among us–i don’t understand it but I will always cherish it. Freddie was there so much for my invalid mother. He cooked for her, fed her, stayed with her and , when her legs stopped working, he would carry her down the stairs to her wheelchair and we’d wheel her to the hospital. Then we’d return home and he’d pick her up and carry her back to her bed. She couldn’t communicate at that time but she’d glare at him with obvious anger and Freddie would just let it roll off his back. He was always so caring and kind to her. He taught Keith many life lessons. How to stand up for himself and not back down and how to handle tough obstacles and situations that teens come across. he built his self confidence and was instrumental in adding to the great kid Keith is today. I can just picture Freddie in heaven and my mother seeing him and saying “Not you again. I thought I left you down there.” and he would say “In case your wings stop working, I’ll be here to carry you anywhere you want to go.” This was the Freddie I knew–with a heart as big as the sun.
Early May 1, an angel came and took Freddie away from his suffering and led him to the happiness that he just couldn’t find.
Te amo y te voy a extranar por seimpre jamas.
I love and will miss you for ever and ever.
jody-keith’s and alana’s mom
3 months. feels like 3 years, feels like yesterday. always close to my thoughts, always close to tears. love forever, mi frederico—j
Freddie Henzer had a heart of GOLD! Keep him close to your hearts for he lives in everyone’s soul! He is Fredric Henzer forever in all of our hearts! Remember Him Forever!
No words can describe Freddie’s greatness, only those who knew him can truly appreciate this amazing soul.
2 years. I miss his spirit, his heart and the fierce loyalty that I saw in him. Always in my heart, always in my mind. Love forever
My heart, my soul, my son. You will be placed to rest. I promise. I miss you so much. You gave me so much laughter so many tears. I love you so much. I still hear you “Hi Mommy”!
Thinking of you always Freddie! Love you!!
I wish you could meet my baby Sophia! You are always in our hearts forever and always. <3
another birthday in heaven. still missing you, still tears. love forever and ever j
thinking of you on this sad day. love forever and ever
I keep thinking of you, off on another great adventure, one of your silly, ironic, “Freddie” stories…remember when you were staying with me, I was at work, and you invited a homeless person over for Thanksgiving! haha. I was so mad. Now all I can do is laugh and smile, and remember what a wonderful person you were. Sending Love to you all the way from down here!
still thinking of you. tonite i raised a glass you once gave me to toast you wherever you are, my frederico. u are in a better place but, 3 years later, i miss u. –love j
Love to you and all who you left behind. Always in my heart and thoughts love!
I come back and read this article from time to time.
I cheered in your memory this weekend Fred. Gone but never forgotten.
sad,sad day. in my thoughts often, frederico, and i pray you, wherever you are, that you are happy
I miss you. You were so loved.
Saddest day. Feels like so many years since you’ve been gone. You’re at peace now, beautiful boy, no more pain or sadness. Love always and always…..
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